Compassionate Communication, Thought today

Listening and speaking from the heart.

No, this does not mean you need to get all mushy, although I personally like a bit mush, every now and then. Speaking from the heart is from the compassionate communication model, I referred to in previous blogs, developed by the late Marshall Rosenberg. Essentially, it is listening to hear the need of the other person (or ourselves) which may not be directly communicated.

At the end of the day, some people are more comfortable communicating their feelings and needs than others. We are after all, only human, some days are going to be better than others when it comes to being able to identify our feelings and/or needs and being able to communicate effectively. Imagine a world where we all accept this and we are able to hear what another is saying (or trying to) with a heartfelt understanding of this. I like the look and sound of that world. In some parts of the world this exists. I would like to see it more often. I would like to see this as the norm.

So what is it?

In Rosenberg’s communication model, one of the steps is to listen for the feeling and the need behind the feeling. This is applied to ourselves as well as to others. Obviously, with the latter scenario we need to check with the other person what it is they are feeling and needing. No one can really read another person’s mind.

Rosenberg proposed if we can listen to ourselves and others through our heart, by listening for the feeling and the need behind it, we can engage with ourselves and others more authentically and at a deeper level than the ‘thinking’, the intellectual level. In the feeling space: the being space, we can truly connect with ourselves and others.

For me, speaking from the heart is about our approach to being in the world, not only our communication with ourselves and others.

In my recent blogs, I referred to acceptance of ourselves and others as we are and to separating our interpretation from our observation, so that we have more opportunity to be in the moment and live our experience, before interpreting it through judgement, analysing, etc. In my last blog, I wrote of listening to hear by being physically present and consciously attentive. All of this can lead to listening and speaking from the heart.

Why do this?

I have found by incorporating these approaches into my life, that I have more capacity to be fully present with myself and others. From the being space, I can listen and speak from my centre. From my heart. This leads me to be fully present in the moment and so in the flow of my experience. I am aware of my experience at a sensory, emotional, physical and psychological level.

By taking away judgements, interpretations, expectations, demands etc, my mind feels free and clear so I have the capacity to accept myself as I am, as well as others for the way they are. Remembering of course that acceptance does not require us to like what is being accepted, as liking or disliking would require us to make some form of evaluation and so judgement.

This is not easy. For example, on the morning that I was writing this blog, I experienced some intense body memories and emotional flashbacks. It was not at all easy for me to accept my experience as the memories were so unpleasant and that is putting it mildly. However, reminding myself of the purpose of my engaging with the memories, namely that it enables me to heal so that eventually the memories will stop or lose their emotional intensity so they no longer cause me distress, I was able to accept my experience and move forwards in my processing of the memories and emotions that came with them.

When someone is doing something that causes us some distress or discomfort, being able to accept the situation and the way we feel is imperative for our own well being, so to is being able to identify what we need and how to express those needs. I have found listening and speaking from the heart supports my ability to do this in a constructive way leading to a healthy and authentic engagement.

Know the purpose of your actions

If we engage with ourselves and others from a genuine desire to connect rather than a feeling of having to, but a place of wanting to and not from any form of fear, guilt, shame etc. we give ourselves and others scope to grow and to live in the moment. We can take our time in the moment; we can explore our experience as it unfolds.

I admit this has taken practice and I am still practising. This is not something you learn once and that’s it. Yes, the process and stages will become more natural as we practise and we become used to this way of being. However, I find that bringing myself back to the principles of compassion and acceptance, enables me to stay awake to my communication with myself and others, so I can check I am still being true to my intention: to be compassionate.

If I can maintain a stance of listening and speaking from the heart, then this energy will hopefully be felt by the other person I am with. This can lead to the opening up of dialogue through a feeling of acceptance, which provides a feeling of safety and can lead to people feeling truly heard and known. There is of course no guarantee that this will happen. However……

For me, a combination of all of these approaches has been extremely beneficial as they have, in one way or another, assisted my healing process not only the development of my communication skills. My relationship with myself has changed to one that is more understanding, supportive and kind.

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Compassionate Communication, Thought today

Separating observation from interpretation.

Now this was tricky to learn.

This is one of the very first steps to tackle in Marshall Rosenberg’s Compassionate Communication model (Non-Violent Communication where one speaks from the heart) which I have mentioned in previous blogs.

It took time and lots of patience to acquire the ability to observe first and then interpret, my mind was wired up to interpret pretty much automatically and initially, when I was much younger than I am now, I couldn’t see there was another way of looking at things I was drenched in black and white thinking so heavily. However, I have found the benefits of developing this ability worthy of the time spent and effort taken.

So, what does separating observation and interpretation entail?

Literally we do as it says. Observe. We pay attention to what we see. Rather than what we think or feel about what we see. There is no interpretation, we do not take time to wonder, assume or infer. Obviously these things will happen, we are human beings, we are designed to do these things. However, by focusing on what is observed first, I feel I have more space in my mind to be with my experience more fully at the time. I am also able to see options and I experience more of what is going on around me, which does not increase my stress levels. If anything I feel calmer.

Essentially I have been learning to slow my mind down.

Why did I try to learn this?

Being able to see there is a difference between what I observe and what I think and interpret is freeing.

You may have read the above sentence and thought this ability is natural and perhaps you’ve been able to do this all your life. Great. If this is true for you, I am sincerely pleased for you.

However, not all of us have had this ability developed in us and we need to cultivate it for ourselves. If we want to obviously, it’s not for me to tell anyone what to do!

I learnt, from a very earlier age, how to treat myself with contempt and loathing. I was filled with a toxic level of shame and fear amongst other things. I held myself responsible for everything, including things that had absolutely nothing to do with me. As an adult, I saw I needed to change my relationship with myself. I needed to change my life so I could survive it. I started seeing a therapist. I started looking at different ways in which to live in this world. I looked at Buddhism, Mindfulness, meditation and cultivating compassion for myself.

I feel the observe first approach provides a mental pause before any interpretation arises. It provides a window of opportunity to see something new and to let the current moment into my conscious awareness at the time.

I have more capacity in my mind to hold information then if I were to go into immediate interpretation. In interpretation mode, I am with myself to the exclusion of the physical world, including the people in it. However, initially, I didn’t see it this way.

So how did I learn?

Patience and acceptance are important here.

Getting upset with myself because my mind automatically interpreted rather than simply observed, did not aid my learning to observe without interpretation or indeed do anything supportive to my self-esteem! What did help and still does, is acknowledging that I have interpreted rather than observed, accepting this for the simple fact it is and refocusing myself to what physically took place and to what I actually saw.

It is important to take our time learning new concepts, techniques and ways of being. The latter is what I have come to feel this technique is. A way of being.

In time and with gentle reminders of ‘observe only…then interpret‘ – which in the initial stages of learning I needed to do quite frequently – the way my mind responded, changed.

Through taking the time to say to myself ‘Now, what did I actually see…’ and boiling it down to the precise actions I had witnessed – acknowledging any emotions and thoughts I had were mine and not necessarily what was there for the other person – my mind began to slow down. I became able to acknowledge what I saw and accept it as such, without reading into a situation, or any form of interpretation coming up, straight away.

My thinking is sharper and clearer and my mind is calmer, when I am in observation mode.

When do I use this?

I use this observe mode, as I call it, in various situations. When I am with people I do not know or I am in a group of people, when I’m with people who are emotionally turbulent or if I am feeling strong emotions.

I find this observe first approach enables me to stay grounded and safeguards me from falling into a ‘reactive state’, where I may not be actively thinking but be more weighted in my emotional experience, which could lead me to misunderstand someone or a situation.

Emotions and thoughts are equally important. Balance is needed with both.

The benefits I have found…

Observing without interpretation or evaluation attached to it, provides scope for greater understanding and connection with ourselves, as well as others and for a more healthy and honest connection to occur.

When in observe mode, my mind is less cluttered, as I am not being distracted by interpretation and thoughts leading me to look at particular things, which may not have anything to do with what I am observing. I am more present in the moment and when I am focusing my attention on the shared physical world, I am able to be more responsive and spontaneous.

I have found the benefits of developing this observe mode has impacted my life in many areas in a positive way, that enhances my experience of myself, my life and my communications with others. I find it particularly useful in aiding my ability to stay in a dialogue with emotionally turbulent people, as well as aiding me to see my own needs more clearly.

I invite you, if I may, to try this (if you are not already) and see what happens. Feel free to share your experience if you do. I am open to constructive dialogues.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you found it interesting.

If you want to find out more about Non-Violent Communication, check out the Centre for Non-Violent Communication which you should be able to reach via web address: https://www.cnvc.org/ or search for Marshall Rosenberg on Utube (https://www.youtube.com/).

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Compassionate Communication

Communication that supports mental health…

Communication that supports mental health is not just for those who are experiencing a “mental health crisis” or with a medically diagnosed personality disorder or mental health illness. It’s important for everyone to maintain their mental health, that way hopefully we won’t develop a mental health ‘issue’ of some kind.  I’d say it is imperative to human living that we all be aware of the impact the way we communicate and express ourselves has on others as well as on ourselves.

Our communication abilities and style touch every aspect of human life, whether personal relationships or professional or people we pass by on the street or sit beside on a bus or a train. Let’s lose the attitude of people being “touchy feely” and labeling people as “too sensitive”. Who is anyone to define when another human being is “too sensitive” or indeed “too kind” or “too polite” “too anything”?

Thoughtfulness and consideration are free in life, so too is having a respectful acceptance of the way people are in their own right. These freebies create richness in our way of being that not only enhances mental well-being but also our relationships, including the one we have with ourselves, and makes for a healthier society in which to live and a more contented life.

Labeling people as “over sensitive” in itself devalues the persons experience.  Who is any one to say what another person is and/or to define someone in such absolute terms?  We all experience things differently, as we all have our individual life experiences which influences our perception among other things.  A person who has stronger feelings than us or requires different things to us does not mean they are “over” or “too” sensitive.  The over and to being an evaluation and exaggeration, two things referred to in the compassionate communication framework formulated by Marshall Rosenberg mentioned in some of my previous blogs.

This may sound trivial but I can see and indeed feel a huge difference in this way of communicating when we lose the exaggerations and the evaluations. I say this in respect of both my own communication to others and with myself, not only in the way others communicate to me.  Letting go of interpretations, labels, exaggerations has freed my mind that I can see others and myself more clearly. The labels, exaggerations etc actually get in the way.

I freely admit that I respond more constructively to people who do not exaggerate what they perceive in me or my behaviour and who do not tell me what I am by defining me and stating what is ultimately their opinion as if it were some kind of fact.

I am not on this earth to be defined by others any more than anyone else is. Being mindful of our communications in this way is imperative to the creation and maintenance of emotional and psychological well-being, as well as the maintenance of our relationships, and will in some way and at some point impact our physical health too.

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Compassionate Communication

Compassionate Communication Continued.

So, the first component of the compassionate communication model I referred to in earlier blogs (The NVC model created by Marshall Rosenberg) is to observe without evaluation.

To recap, we humans do not stop evaluating as we are designed to do just that. However, keeping what we observe separate from our evaluation is required for the NVC model to work well.

If we combine observation with evaluation then those we communicate with are likely to hear criticism which they will naturally resist. No one likes to be criticised especially not as a matter of course and/or where people are not being constructive in the conveyance of their criticism.

Generalisations are also not that helpful whereas specific observations that are grounded in the concrete physical world are. For example, saying to someone “On the last two occasions…” as opposed to saying “Every time….”

In my experience I have found applying the separation of observation from my thoughts about what I have observed (evaluation) has actually had quite a calming effect and cleared my head so I do not end up over thinking and so my levels of stress have been reduced which has freed my mind to focus on other more useful things. So, from my point of view, I can see there are real health benefits from learning to ‘observe only’ and keeping our evaluations and observations separate, it’s not only helpful to communication.

So, let’s take a look at Step 2 of the NVC model – Identifying our feelings.

This step of the NVC model – identifying how we feel – sounds pretty straight forward right?

Perhaps not.

For some people feelings are of no importance but thinking is. Indeed for some people feelings are paid more attention to and not thoughts. For me, I think we can’t fully understand one without the other.

Emotions aid our rational thoughts so that we do not become trapped in black and white thinking especially at times when a softer (tender/sensitive) approach is required.

Our thoughts on the other hand, can help keep us grounded at times when our emotions are highly charged, stopping us from making snap decisions which we may regret later or perhaps even lashing out at someone or ourselves.

Bearing the above in mind, let’s just think back to step one of the NVC model. If we were to combine our observations with our evaluations we could end up in a kind of feedback loop if you like. For example, emotions trigger thoughts and thoughts in turn retrigger emotions or indeed thoughts trigger emotions which in turn triggers further thoughts etc. This may well be why some people need another person to engage with them when they get upset or distressed in order to stop the loop of emotions and thoughts they are caught up in.

When I read Marshall Rosenberg’s book ‘Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life’ I found that according to the NVC model I had not been speaking feelings the way I believed I was. I had in fact been conveying my thoughts rather than my feelings which I admit came as a bit of a shock.

The English language, which I love, is restrictive, as I imagine are all languages, although perhaps some are more so than others. In the NVC model it is suggested that if we can say ‘I feel’ to a statement we make as well as ‘I think’ then we have expressed a thought not a feeling. For example, I feel I didn’t get a fair deal. This can be conveyed as: I think I didn’t get a fair deal. According to the NVC model what has been conveyed here is not a feeling but a thought.

The NVC model goes on to say that if any of the words that appear below follow the words ‘I feel’ then a feeling isn’t being expressed.

That, like, as, if
I, you, he, she, they, it
Names or nouns

Although when expressing a feeling it is not necessary to use the words ‘I feel…’ we can simply say ‘I’m bored’ or ‘I’m angry’.

Let’s take a look at some of the points raised in Marshall Rosenberg’s Book:

The following points are made in Marshall Rosenberg’s book in respect of some of the ways people express themselves, which has helped me to actively think about what it is I’m communicating.

Are we assessing our ability in what we are saying rather than a feeling? E.g. ‘I feel inadequate as….’ or expressing a feeling – E.g. “I feel frustrated….or impatient….or disappointed…

Are we providing more of a description of how we think others are behaving rather than how we feel? E.g. I’m feeling ignored. This is more of an interpretation of how others are behaving. So, if we were to look underneath this interpretation it will assist us in identifying our feeling(s) and so our needs. E.g. With feeling ignored – is it that we wish to be more involved with the people we are with?

Are we describing how we think others are evaluating us or a feeling? E.g. I feel unimportant.

The feeling behind our assessment of being unimportant could be one of sadness or feeling deflated or discouraged.

Are we assessing the other person’s level of understanding or are we expressing a feeling? E.g. I’m feeling misunderstood. The feeling behind ‘misunderstood’ could be anxious, annoyed, irritated, embarrassed, or perhaps something else….

I get this, it makes sense. Learning it is a challenge. I recommend the use of good humour if you attempt practising it and remember: be compassionate to yourself!

Obviously, we cannot control how we are received, perceived and/or interpreted by others and there will always be some gap between what we communicate and how that is received given the way we humans are designed. However, we can minimise this gap by paying attention to our own communication and interpretation processes etc. If we do this, it ought to help us make meaningful connections with others rather than stressful fraught ones.

Sources: ‘Nonviolent Communication A Language Of life’ by Marshall Rosenberg. 2nd Edition. PuddleDancer Press.

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Compassionate Communication

Compassionate Communication – No 2. Blocks to communication….

Blocks to communication

In the compassionate communication model I referred to in an earlier blog (NVC model created by Marshall Rosenberg) it is proposed that there are certain ways of communicating with others which actually stop us from communicating our needs, wants or desires in a way that they can be heard and understood. This is also relevant to our own communication – self talk.

So what are these blocks to communication according to the NVC model?

Below I shall look at each block referred to in the NVC model.

Moralistic judgments such as implying something is wrong or bad in someone else’s or indeed our own actions, blaming someone or our self is also considered to be a moralistic judgment as are insults, put downs, labels, criticism, comparisons and diagnosis. All are considered to be a type of judgment and I’m inclined to agree.

A distinction is made between value judgments and moralistic judgments.

Value judgments reflect our beliefs as to how life can be best served. A moralistic judgment is about someone who behaves in a way that we consider does not support our value judgments.

Now, remembering that our perception is not always accurate, as at times we can perceive someone to mean one thing when actually a different meaning has been communicated and we have been unable to hear it, perhaps due to our own filtering system. (And vice versa of course, as we can all be misperceived and/or misunderstood).

Our filtering systems stem from our life experience and knowledge up to that point in time. We all know that not everyone has the same experiences as us in life but it is amazing how easy it is to forget this. I’ve had a lot of people infer and assume things about me rather than actually ask me so I can tell them so that they know.

Labels limit our perception and require our active engagement so that we check with the people concerned that our label is accurate. Simply not relying on a label as a fact would be best as let’s face it relying on a label can at best be unreliable and at worst be downright dangerous.

Labels don’t have to be negative to restrict our perception but ‘positive’ or even ‘neutral’ labels can have the same effect. For example, teacher, cook.

Classifying, analysing and determining levels of wrongness can become the focus of our attention rather than what we and/or others need but are not getting. (Identifying our needs as referred to in my previous blog being step 3 of 4 of the NVC model).

This is where observing without evaluation comes in (step 1 of 4 of the NVC model).

We will evaluate. We humans are wired to do so. The point is to keep the observation and the evaluation separate.

Making comparisons is to make a judgment and one I have found to be unhelpful. We’re all different. We experience our bodies, emotions, life, etcetera, differently. Comparing ourselves to other people is not a helpful yardstick/tool.

I used to say if you’re going to compare yourself then compare yourself to the person you were yesterday but even this is unhelpful at times. One day we may be able to do something that another day we can’t. Then what? What do we take from this comparison? On another day in the future we may well be able to undertake the action again just fine. There again, we may not. That’s life. That’s being human.

Responsibility – we’re all responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and actions (I’d say to a degree but that subject could fill up its own series of blogs…..).

According to the NVC model, when we deny our responsibility we attribute our actions to factors outside of ourselves (or our control). On the surface this may well sound pretty reasonable. However……….

All of the below examples are given in the NVC model and it is suggested that they will bring about the use of language that implies a lack of choice.

Vague statements of “I had to….”
Our condition, diagnosis or personal or psychological history
The actions of others
The dictates of authority
Group pressure
Institutional policies, rules and regulations
Gender roles, social roles or age roles
Uncontrollable impulses

I can see their point. Now, don’t get me wrong, I totally understand there are times when we can’t necessarily stop ourselves doing something and I don’t know about you but trying to stop myself feeling something has only made the feeling stronger. However…….

Let’s take for example, a medical condition, be it physical, emotional or psychological, they are all very real factors and they are not to be dismissed or underestimated in their impact on people’s lives. Having said this, it is very important to be aware of the language we use.

Are we speaking to ourselves and others in a way that adds to the feeling of helplessness? Or are we acknowledging what we do within whatever restriction of choice we have?

It’s remembering we have a choice, albeit a restricted one, that for me has been a major factor. This can be extremely difficult to do, to say the least, especially in times of pain and/or distress/stress. Although I can see that if we can put our focus on what we actually do, what we have achieved and what we are able to do within whatever confines we are experiencing, we will be helping ourselves to remain emotionally and psychologically resilient. We will be able to survive and hopefully more than this, live life.

I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to do this in a time of crisis.
Although attempting to do this, even if I don’t achieve it (so much), puts me in a stronger position to survive my experience than not trying to do it.

There are times in life where the cue to do this (that’s remembering we have a choice no matter how restricted it is and to check the language we are speaking to ourselves in) will need to come from outside of us as we’ll be in too much emotional turmoil to see it for ourselves.

Something I have done, which has helped me to a degree, is to have things around me in the physical world which when I see them, help me to remember. Obviously it is not ‘the answer’. However it can be a beneficial tool.

I recall at one time in my life I had post it notes on every wall and door in my flat with messages to remind me of what I had achieved and what helped me to cope with what I was experiencing (emotional and psychological distress) so no matter what room I was in there was something to catch me in a moment of active awareness.

I am currently babysitting a friends Buddha statue which sits in the living room of my home. The sight of which speaks volumes to me and helps me remember to take a compassionate moment in the now….

I hope you catch my drift here.

Demands– making demands instead of requests or saying what we desire can push people away from us. Do you like it when someone blames you for something? Or threatens you with some form of punishment if you don’t comply? When people tell you “You should” or “You have to” or “You must” this type of language comes from the point of view of wrongness which doesn’t help anyone in the long run including the person using this type of language.

When people have spoken to me using this type of language it’s brought about a strong desire in me to spend as little time with that person as possible.

Exaggerations: such as: always, never, whenever, frequently, seldom as opposed to being specific like ‘the last two times….’ for example. Exaggerations can bring out defensiveness in others as the exaggeration can become mixed up with our observation.

We humans, the world, life: it’s always changing, so using static generalisations is not going to be helpful to us in the long run.

So what?

Well, we have options as to how we respond to people.

We can take what is said personally and then either grovel, defend, excuse, attack the other person for what is perceived to be an attack on us OR we can focus on what might be going on behind the other person’s statement.

NVC is a communication model which gives us options.

I feel I have been hard wired to take things personally. Learning to do otherwise has been a challenge, a worthwhile one though. Not only do I see others more clearly but I also see myself more clearly too.

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Compassionate Communication

Compassionate Communication

Compassionate Communication is a communication model or as I like to think of it a way of being, that I came across 6-7 years ago (or so). As with most things of this nature, when learning a new way of looking at things or creating a new habit for example, after a while I stopped practising what I learnt. Having realised this and remembering how much more centred and secure in myself I am when I aim to incorporate compassion in to my communication with myself, I have recently begun to try and readjust myself back on to the compassionate pathway.

What is Compassionate Communication?

For anyone reading this and wondering what Compassionate Communication is, here is a brief description.

Compassionate Communication also known as Non-Violent Communication (NVC) created by Marshall B Rosenberg who in 1984 founded the Centre for Nonviolent Communication. The NVC process is designed to assist people to be better able to express themselves and relate to others.

NVC is essentially a guide as to how to convey ourselves to others so we can be better understood. It also puts forward a way of how to hear others so we can better understand them.

The NVC Process

There are four components to the NVC process:

1 Observations – look at what actually happens without evaluation.
2 Feelings – identify our feelings about what we observe
3 Needs – identify our needs in respect of the feelings we have identified
4 Request – make a specific request for what we need or want from the other person.

Remembering of course that all of the above is carried out honestly and with empathy and respect for ourselves and others.

The above four points are the first stage of the NVC process. The second stage is learning to do all of the four points in respect of the other person communicating with you. This entails actively listening for what the feelings and needs could be for the other person given their communication to you. Obviously, to do this successfully, we will need to speak with (as opposed ‘to’) the other person to ascertain whether we understand them correctly or not. Again the approach to take for this is with empathy, respect and sincerity.

Compassion – what’s that?

To me compassion is about accepting yourself for the person you are, acknowledging we are only human and can only do the best we can at the time and loving yourself no matter what happens. It’s about having empathy for yourself and others, not making excuses no, but being realistic with yourself and having regard and respect for yourself and others. It means letting go of the programming of what is right and what is wrong, of letting go of expectation.

Compassion is giving from the heart. Tapping into my love of self, life and others and staying true to that love.

Obviously, you may or may not agree with this definition. It will be interesting to see if in time I change my own definition….

My experience

I have found from showing compassion towards myself that not only has my relationship with myself grown but my connections with others too. Although it could be that I simply experience my connection(s) more fully. However, focusing on compassion towards myself has naturally brought about compassion in my communication with other people too.

Now this is not the first time I’ve ‘fallen off the compassionate wagon’ so to speak. One thing I have learnt over the years, is that it is best not to get upset with yourself when you realise you have stopped doing the very thing that helps you and for falling into old patterns of thought and/or behaviour which aren’t so helpful to us. This is easier said than done especially at times of great stress in ones life.

However, when I see I’ve strayed from the path I really want to be on in life, it has been far more beneficial for me to acknowledge this, adjust myself appropriately so I get back on track and continue on the path I wish to follow. This doesn’t always happen smoothly. However, even a bumpy ride to the place we wish to be is better than not taking the ride at all.

Some reflection upon what’s been happening in life and what may have contributed to my straying from my chosen path can be very beneficial. However, given my experience, I’d say not to make the reflection the focus as this can lead to rumination and rumination can inadvertently trigger anxiety which blocks the way back to the path I want to be on in life or at least this is what I‘ve found happens.

I find if I accept the way things are (whether I like the way it is or not – easier said than done I know) and by acknowledging what I need to do and what I have been successful at, moving forwards from this position is less painful and more fluid.

It isn’t necessary for all parties to a communication to be aware of NVC, what is important is the person who is aware of NVC and wishes to communicate within the NVC framework, remains true to the principles of NVC and that their goal is simply to communicate compassionately.

There is a lot to learn in using the NVC process as, for example, there are various ways of relating to others which can block compassion and our communication. I shall explore this in further blogs at some point.

I believe NVC is one of those life-long learning processes. For me, I have found staying with the principles of NVC brings calm to an emotional storm and assists in clearing my mind so I am better able to receive others and what is actually physically happening in my life.

I’m not going to lie it can be extremely difficult to maintain this type of mind-set especially in times of distress and pain when we humans are designed to go to our default settings. As with all things in life it takes patience and perseverance: one step at a time.

If you’re interested in more information on NVC you may like to take a look at the following website:

Center For Nonviolent Communication (www.cnvc.org) NVC Instruction Guide webpage:https://www.cnvv.org/online-learning/nvc-instruction-guide/nvc-instruction-guide.
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